Hello, You Just Died: The Rewrite
by LynxOnSmoothies
Summary: My name is Toni. I am one hundred and ten percent normal. Discounting my cousin, my family, our family, the robots, the government watching us and the occasional stray... I'm actually not entirely sure what those are. But yeah, normal. Just don't question what happened to the fountain in the backyard. Or how Uncle Ron became head of the neighborhood watch. Just don't.
1. Chapter 1: Meeting the New Friends

Hoo boy. This was waaay later than I promised, and still you guys waited. I'm incredibly sorry about the wait. What ended up happening was that every time I tried to rewrite the plot, I hated how it came out. It was aggravating. So really, I am not too happy about this rewrite as is, but if I keep putting it off, it will never get done.

And I owe all of you loyal readers who waited for….erm, probably best if I don't actually give the amount of time….anywho, thanks and here is the long awaited rewrite of Hello, You Just Died!

* * *

Silence. It was glorious and beautiful and every other positive adjective imaginable. It was a blessed item of true purity, and Toni reveled in the peaceful quiet. She restrained from peeling her eyes open to see her clock, not wanting to have the acid green numbers burned into her retinas at the unknown time of the morning.

"Gooooooood Morning, Sweetie!" The hideous warbling of the dream destroyer ripped through Toni's pleasant morning haze, as the door to her room slammed open. In flounced a mess of auburn hair and well matched clothing, which now that Toni thought about it, was an oxymoron. How could one be well put together and still a mess? Listening to her mother's cheery humming as her curtains were thrown open, Toni mentally shrugged. She was too sleepy to think straight, apparently.

"Sweetie," Julia crowed, spinning in a circle. "It's time to get up! If we don't leave in twenty minutes, we'll be late!" Toni lunged from the bed, stumbling slightly before careening into the hallway. Twenty minutes to get ready, have breakfast and become a social human being.

That was not okay.

Fumbling through her morning routine—makeup, bathroom, shower, and breakfast, though not in that order—Toni sailed out the front door into the 2011 Prius. It only took moments before she raced back inside to grab her suitcase, her parents watching all the while.

"It's the Witwicky blood," Julia smirked, looking over at her husband. He just looked at her, and shook his head. It would have done no good to point out that their daughter was a near mirror image of her mother. No good at all.

That said, they had no idea where she got her athletic ability. Both of them were plumper than average and quite content with that fact. "Heath, are you listening to me?" Heath tuned back into his wife, nodding solemnly. Never let her know.

* * *

The small car pulled into the picturesque neighborhood, and onto the driveway of the picturesque house. Toni bounced in her seat. It had been almost a month since she had last talked to her cousin, and over a year since they had met in person. It was agonizing for her; Sam was her favorite person to hang with. He was just so spastic!

As soon as the Prius stopped, both females threw themselves out of the car. "Ronnnny!" Julia screeched, latching onto her brother-in-law as Judy and Heath watched in amusement. Toni whipped her head around, looking for Sam.

"Where is he? I thought he would be here with you," Toni asked, keeping the disappointment from her voice admirably. It stung a bit that Sam, her favorite person in the world, who was related to her, by blood, would not be there to meet her. Judy smiled, knowing Toni's thoughts.

"He's in the garage, hunnie. He had a late night last night, what with being arrested." This was said in a far too relaxed manner, and Toni looked carefully at Judy's eyes. Yup. High as a kite. That said, what the heck could SAM of all people have done to get arrested? Also, wasn't two in the afternoon? Was he just now getting up? Toni had many questions about this.

As the adults moved into the house, Toni slipped towards the garage. Before the seventeen year old could enter however, Sam came flying out of the garage on a baby doll pink bike that Toni recognized faintly as Judy's, followed by a bright yellow Camero.

Toni stood there blinking, watching the pair disappear down the street. Walking slowly back into the house, she called out, "Hey, Uncle Ron?" His head appeared around the corner. "Mind if I borrow the bike?" He smiled at her.

"I don't know why you ask, it is yours after all." Toni shrugged, before moving back out to the garage. Inside the pristine structure, Toni ripped the sheet off her motorbike. Originally it was a birthday gift after she had mentioned she wanted to get into MotorCross but after a bit it became a fixture at Sam's house, due to storage issues at her own home. Toni took in the stylized dragons on the handlebars and smiled. Sam had thought it would be cool to have dragons on the bike, and thirteen year old Toni had agreed. Man, they were such dorks as kids.

Slipping on her helmet, which was not stylized but a solid black—they had chosen to stick with the classics there—Toni took off down the street. After about ten minutes, she was exasperated. The town wasn't that big; where was Sam?

A girlish scream echoed out of a nearby building. "We're gonna die!" Toni tilted her head; found him. Turning her bike, Toni stopped, engine purring beneath her. The yellow Camero from before was being chased by the Cop Car from Hell, her wussy cousin and a girl inside screaming. _I don't remember eating any of Aunt Judy's brownies._

Gunning her engine—because even if that was legitimate law enforcement, which she sincerely doubted, that was still her family—Toni raced after the cars. She caught up just outside of an electrical plant, and she parked her bike on the hill above it. She stood stock still as the yellow Camero ejected the pair of humans inside and stood up. There was no other way to describe it. It just. Stood. Up.

 _No really, did I eat one of the brownies? I really don't remember, but…. THAT is a giant robot. An adorable one, but a robot nonetheless._ Her thoughts stuttered to a halt as the Cop Car from Hell transformed into a substantially less cute robot, and initiated a giant robot death match. Toni had to take a moment to reevaluate her life, nearly missing the homicidal minibot that tried to kill Sam.

It didn't miss her though. Frenzy would remember the shadowed figure standing on the hillside, watching the fight. It reminded him eerily of the way Nobles would watch the gladiator fights on Cybertron, before the Great War began.

Toni watched incredulously as Sam got his ass kicked by a tiny robot no bigger than a toddler. Well, it was a toddler armed with blades but still, the point remained. Before she could intervene, the girl with Sam had taken a saw—which Toni had no idea _where_ she had gotten that from—and began mauling the bot. Toni felt a spark of pride when Sam punted the robot's head, the arc being beautiful. She _knew_ he had gotten something out of her football lessons.

It was about then that Toni also realized Sam wasn't wearing pants. What the hell had happened?

* * *

Okay, so I only cover about half of the original chapter but that's fine. Just wait two seconds for the next one to be up. NOTE: THESE ARE PILOT CHAPTERS. IF THE RESPONSE IS NOT GOOD, I WILL NOT CONTINUE WITH THIS STORY.

That said, if I do get a good response and continue, there are some major changes to construction of this story. Overall plot will be the same, but with less plot holes and general idiocy.

To note in this chapter, Toni may have some different physical attributes. I couldn't find any indication of her appearance in my story (whoops?) so I'll be going off a basic template with some minor additions. She'll be fleshed out better as well, and is now 17, to avoid creepiness in later chapters. Also, no forgetting the parents this time. That's very important.

I hope you guys review. It would make me very happy.


	2. Chapter 2: An Introduction to Insanity

Alright, Part two here. Remember, this a pilot chapter. Good response for continue, no response for end.

* * *

Sam and… Mikaela, was it? Had to be, now that Toni thought about it; Sam never mentioned any other girl. Well, Sam and Probably-Mikaela had gotten into the yellow Camero, who had seemingly won the match and were driving off. Who gets into a giant robot who had just been fighting another giant robot, and is completely cool with it? Sam, apparently. The self-preservation was not strong with that one.

Following a ways behind the Camero, Toni tailed them to an alleyway. To be noted, halfway through the drive the Camero switched models. Not even going there. The alley seemed sketchy, suitable for a mugging. Parking her bike behind a trash bin, Toni scaled the ladders up to the top of one of the nearby buildings. Peering over the edge, she found that during her climb Sam and Probably-Mikaela had been surrounded by a Topkick, an Ambulance, a Porsche and a Peterbuilt semi with a kicking paintjob. These then proceeded to transform into more robots, and cluster in closer. _This is how Sam gets mugged by giant robots._

The semi knelt down to put his face closer to the pair. "Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendent of Archibald Witwicky?" Well, it was always a good sign when someone asks if you are related to an insane old guy as their opening statement. Probably-Mikaela murmured something to Sam Toni couldn't hear, before Sam responded in the affirmative. Perhaps 'responded' wasn't the right word, seeing as it was more of a terrified question, but hey that was Sam.

The semi straightened up. "My name is Optimus Prime. We are autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron."Sure, they could be aliens. Why not! _And the angry Topkick is the Toothfairy too, I'm sure._

The ambulance pipes in, "But you can call us Autobots for short." Sam looked as dumbfounded as Toni felt, mouthing the word to himself and ogling the giants around him. The Porsche smirked, flicking down its visor.

"What's cracking, little bitches?" Sam whipped his head around to look at the relaxed Porsche, as Probably-Mikaela moved closer to him. Toni was busy smothering her giggles inside her helmet; there was something endearing about a giant robot acting gangster.

"My first lieutenant, designation Jazz," Prime introduced, waving a massive hand over towards the Porsche who back flipped onto a nearby car and began to lounge.

"This looks like a cool place to kick it," Jazz hummed, leaning further back into the brutalized car. Sam looked flabbergasted.

"What is that?" _They covered that already, Sam._ "Where did he learn to talk like that?" Probably-Mikaela was watching the scene curiously.

"We've learned Earth's languages through the World Wide Web. My weapons specialist, Ironhide," Prime said, clearly dismissing Sam's question. Toni was horrified; an alien race and the first interaction with humanity is the Internet. It was a wonder they didn't hate humanity as a whole.

The Topkick flipped his arms around to reveal huge cannons, and aimed them at Sam and Probably-Mikaela. _Okay, maybe they do hate humanity._ "Feeling lucky, punk?" _Ooh, cowboy voice. If only it wasn't from a giant alien robot that was pointing cannons at my cousin, I would be all over that._ Prime smacked the cannon down, and reprimanded Ironhide.

"Easy, Ironhide." He looked sheepishly away, stowing his cannons. It reminded Toni strikingly of a little boy caught bluffing.

"Just Kidding. I just wanted to show him my cannons." Sam nearly melted, but the incentive of Probably-Mikaela standing next to him forced him to stand straight. Prime graciously overlooked this.

"Our medical officer, Ratchet." The ambulance took in the air, sniffing like a bloodhound. It was unnerving, and Toni felt oddly violated.

"Hmm. The boy's pheromone level suggests he wants to mate with the female." _Confirmed. It IS Mikaela!_ Mikaela proceeded to shuffle a bit away from Sam.

"You already know your guardian, Bumblebee." The Camero began shadow boxing and Sam entered a meaningless conversation about why Bee couldn't talk. _Vocal processors damaged, obviously Sam!_ Toni paid the situation little mind though, watching Ratchet. He was still sniffing the air, optics narrowed.

Mikaela turned back to look at Prime. "Why are you here?" It was a legitimate question, if a bit rude. Toni turned her attention back to the duo.

Prime stood taller, and his voice deepened. "We are here looking for the AllSpark. And we must find it before Megatron." Toni froze. That name… she knew that name. _But where?_ "Our planet was once a powerful empire. Peaceful and just. Until we were betrayed by Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. All who defied them were destroyed. Our war finally consumed the planet, and the All Spark was lost to the stars. Megatron followed it to Earth, where Captain Witwicky found him."

Sam and Mikaela were standing in the middle of a holographic battlefield, which looked impressive from where Toni was crouching on the roof. She could only imagine how it looked from the inside. "Oh," Sam muttered, barely audible over the clanging of metal from the scene. "My grandfather."

Prime looked down at the duo solemnly, and Toni could feel his sorrow, regret. "It was an accident that intertwined our fates." He looked to the stars, and Toni slid down the roof, out of sight. She could no longer see the group, but she could still hear. "Megatron crash-landed before he could retrieve the Cube. Your grandfather accidentally activated his navigation system. The coordinates to the Cube's location on Earth were imprinted on his glasses."

"How do you know about the glasses?" Sam's voice was wavy, higher pitched with shock.

"Ebay." The serious voice of Optimus Prime saying that made Toni nearly die. Then it sunk it. _Sam was trying to sell Grandfather's things again! That dick!_

* * *

Okay, still not done with the original first chapter but hey! I expanded.

Remember, reviews mean this will continue to be rewritten.


	3. Chapter 3: Always Where You Look Last

Alright, so enough people wanted this story to continue being rewritten so here is the next chapter.

* * *

Toni watched curiously as the Prime stood up, a twinge ringing in her chest. For a giant alien robot, he felt _achingly_ familiar. Probably best to not look into that too hard; didn't say good things about her psyche to be feeling empathy with a giant robot with _flames_ painted on it. "If the Decepticons find the AllSpark, they will use its power to transform Earth's machines and build a new army." That sounded bad. "And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth's survival." And that sounded worse. Toni didn't trust Sam to do his own laundry when they bunked together, let alone save the planet.

As Mikaela leaned over to murmur something to Sam, Toni noticed that the medic—Ratchet, right?—was still sniffing the air. _You are in an alley, yes it smells. Get over it._ Jazz watched him curiously. "What is it, Ratchet?"

"I smell someone." _Oh. Time to go!_ Toni shimmied away from the edge of the roof top, and down the ladder. The sound of metal on concrete echoed over the roof as Toni slid down the ladder as fast as she could.

"Heat signature on the roof; someone was watching us." Loud clanking footsteps approached the edge as Jazz moved towards the ladder. Toni grabbed her bike and gunned the engine, ignoring the loud exclamation of "Oi!" from Jazz. Transforming behind her and the chase was on. Pushing the engine as far as she could, Toni drifted around a corner to hit the main street and pressed herself low to the seat. Glancing behind her, she could see the Porsche right there. Luckily, he was a Porsche and she was a bike, and only one of those two can weave through traffic. It only took a few moments to lose him.

* * *

 **::Jazz ta Prime. I lost 'em in the traffic. Sneaky lil' thing.::**

 **::Come on back, Jazz. Our priority is the Cube.::**

Rolling slowly back into the alley, Jazz transformed and flicked his visor up, irritated. He hadn't lost his quarry in forever, and his pride was stinging. Ironhide patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"Did you get a good look at them?" Jazz shook his helm, depressed. What kinda ninja bot was he?

"I saw something odd wit' tha' handlebars on tha' bike but nothing more." Sam looked thoughtful for a moment, before dismissing his thoughts. Toni wasn't going to be in town till next week.

"Well," Ratchet hummed, "Hormones suggest the subject was female, age sixteen Earth years to eighteen Earth years." The idea was back, but she wasn't in town….right?

"Small build," Jazz piped in, trying to regain his lost pride. Idea solidified, but still impossible.

Ironhide gave a snort. "Forget the sneak. We need to secure the glasses." And just like that, the issue of the eavesdropper was dismissed and Sam forgot all about Toni for a more important issue. The whole saving the world thing.

* * *

Back at the house, Toni parked her bike back in the garage and removed her helmet, shaking her short, spiky hair out. Going inside, she could see Aunt Judy and Uncle Ron—who didn't notice her coming in—sitting by the television watching a ROMCOM. "…well, I'll call him in 15 minutes."

"If you wait 15 minutes, he'll be late and you'll have to ground him." Judy took a sip of her wine, looking at Ron over the glass.

"Well, I can't ground him if he's not late, can I?" Looking around, Toni didn't see her parents, so she assumed they had already left for the hotel. She wouldn't be joining them, seeing as she had a standing room at the main Witwicky house hold.

Toni went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water before heading upstairs, noting Sam's backpack sitting on the counter. _I'll be a good cousin and bring that up for him._ Hefting it up, Toni went into Sam's room to drop it off. "Wow Sam. This is something," she murmured, looking at the piles of clothes splayed around. Poking at a pile, she could faintly hear Sam's voice from outside.

"..Oh, the trash cans. Sorry, Dad; I'm gonna do the trash cans now." _Forgotten chores holdup saving of the world._

"No, no, I don't want you to strain yourself." _Oooh, Uncle Ron bringing out the big guns. Sam will never live that one down._ Clearing a small spot on the bed, she plopped the bag down before settling in be the window—right behind a dresser—to listen to Sam's plight.

"…I love you. God, I love you just so much right now." Toni coughed. _What now? That was a bit abrupt_. A small clatter from the side yard put it in perspective. _Well, they are giant. I guess they wouldn't be too quiet._

"Alright, I love you! Sleep good, handsome man!" Toni slumped a bit, shaking her head. _And Uncle Ron is head of the Neighbor Hood Watch._ "What are you doing? What are you doing? No, watch the path! Watch the path! Watch the… Please, please, please. No, no, wait." What is going on out there? A loud crunch drown Sam out for a moment. "No, no, no! Oh, no!" Toni tilted her head, listening. _How is nobody hearing this?_

"Sorry, my bad." Toni fought the urge to coo. Okay, so they were giant alien robots with the ability to kill her. That didn't change the fact that Optimus Prime saying 'My bad' was oddly adorable. Was it the childlike guilt that filled the words? Apparently she had been contemplating this for a while, because the next thing she heard from outside was "Autobots, recon." Downstairs she could faintly hear Ron and Judy talking. _I never noticed how well sound carries in this place._

"I hope he's okay. He's in the kitchen; got some ice on his nose. I had to slap him around a little bit." The conversation likely carried on but Toni was distracted by Sam whirling into the room and tearing it apart.

"Where are they? No, no, no, no, no. Come on, come on!" Sam's frantic mumblings carried as he searched everywhere for the glasses—except the backpack sitting squarely on his bed. Suddenly Mikaela was coming in through the window, missing Toni's hiding place.

"What, what is this?" Sam threw his hands up in disbelief as Optimus basically shoved Mikaela through the window.

"Time is short," the Prime rumbled as Mikaela apologetically said "They really want those glasses." Five minutes of two people searching ensued as Toni leaned by the window, amused.

"Yeah, no, no. It's definitely gone. My glasses were in the bag. They were in the backpack and now the backpack isn't here." Silence in the room for a few moments.

"You mean the backpack sitting on your bed? Cause it better not be that one, seeing as I had to dig through your man-hoard and Busty Beauties looking for it." Mikaela's voice was deadpan, probably matching her face.

"Yeah, that bag! Good job, Mikaela." Sam rustled through it and triumphantly held up the glasses.

"…I cannot even, Sam. I can't."


	4. Chapter 4: Escaping, the Chapter!

We now resume your previously scheduled programming.

* * *

Sam leaned out his window, waving the glasses. "Hey! Hey I got—What is this? This isn't hiding. This isn't hiding! This is my backyard, not a truck stop!" Toni put her head in her hand. They were transformed in the yard, weren't they? Mikaela stifled a hysterical giggle behind her hand as Optimus stepped up to the window.

Toni had to choke back a laugh as the big bot hurriedly said "Calm down, calm down. Autobots, fall back."

"Well, no, wait! Now we don't need you to hide; I have the glasses! No, no, no—get back here and take them!" Metallic shuffling increased as Sam's voice got higher. Puberty was picking a bad time to kick in.

"Optimus, the boy's stress levels are fascinatingly high." Oh, medibot had NO idea. "I would love to—" Ratchet cut off abruptly as the ground shook. Toni braced herself, wide eyed. The heck was that?

"Wow! That was tingly!" Nevermind, she didn't want to know. Toni could hear shouting from downstairs as the house settled.

"Judy! Judy, get under the table! Move it! Duck and cover right now!"

"How did you get over there so fast?"

Mikaela turned to move towards where Toni was sitting, and Toni sighed. Her fun was coming to an end. However, Optimus had her back.

"Ratchet, point the light." Then, the brightest light in the galaxy was shined through the window. Toni slapped her hands over her eyes as Mikaela cried out. Yup, that was near instant blindness. Sam's panicked voice was heard over the shouts from downstairs.

"Shut it off! Shut it off!" Flailing around blindly, he made his way to the window. "For the love of GOD, turn the light off!" He smacked into the wall next to Toni as she blinked violently. My God, what were those? LEDs on steroids?

"Sam?" And here comes Ron, head of the neighborhood watch. Everyone look out! Toni blinked away more black spots; well, look out if you still had eyes.

"How come the door's locked?" Judy's slightly tipsy voice sounded from the other side of the door, and Toni grinned. Oh, this would be _wonderful_. Sam darted around the room as Ron started counting down—who did that anyway?—shoving Mikaela behind the chair next to Toni with a muttered "Stay there, don't move". Mikaela rubbed her eyes once more, blinking as she looked around. Then eye contact was made. Her mouth dropped as Toni waved hi. She never got to respond, because right then Sam opened his door.

"What's up? What's with the bat?" Really Sam? That was the best you could come up with? Crunching from outside the window and Toni leaned up to peer out quickly. She didn't see any of the bots; thank goodness too. Imagine trying to explain that to Ron and Judy?

Actually, just imagine Judy.

Ron shoved past him into the room, shining his flashlight around the room. The beam passed right over Toni, but no one noticed. Mikaela gave her an incredulous look, to which Toni shrugged. What could you do? "Who were you talking to?" Look see, that pathetic ploy didn't even fool Ron! That's how bad it was, Sam. Toni vowed to teach him to lie better. "Is Toni in here with you?" Oh right, she should probably make her way out of the room.

"I'm talking to you," Sam stuttered, eyes darting over to the window. He relaxed slightly at the empty frame. Just be glad you can't see the yard, Sam. "Wait, Toni? Isn't she coming over next week?"

"No, it's this week." Judy was looking him over, concern overriding her buzz. "Why are you so sweaty and filthy?" She brushed at his clothes with one hand, the other still holding a glass of wine. Priorities.

"I'm a child. You know, I'm a teenager." Sam shrugged, stepping back from the doorway

"We heard voices and noises and we thought maybe you were…" Ron cut Judy off, sweeping the room again with the flashlight. He deemed it empty, missing the two teenage girls crouched in the corner of the room.

"Doesn't matter what we thought. What was that light?"

"No," voice crack "what light? What? There's no light, Dad! There's no light!" He gestured wildly towards Ron. "You got two lights in your hand! That's what it is."

"There was light under the door." Ron's conviction was pushing Sam. He was twitching and fidgeting.

"Look, you can't… You can't just bounce into my room like that!" Subject change initiated; can Sam carry through? "You got to knock. You got to communicate!" Bad move. Good distraction though.

"We knocked." Ron looked at him, head tilted to the side. Toni crouched and began the slow duck walk over to the window.

"You didn't knock." Sam's body movements got more harried. "You were screaming at me, okay? This is repression, what you're doing here." Holy cow, Toni took it back. Sam could pull some verbal jukes. She slipped up onto the window sill. "You're ruining my youth, okay?" Slam dunk!

"Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive…" Judy paused. "Were you masturbating?" Toni choked on her spit, face slamming down onto the window frame. What? Mikaela shoved her face into the back of the chair, shoulders shaking.

"Was I… no, Mom." Toni had never heard Sam sound so mortified. Oh that's right, his longtime crush was hearing this. Said crush was currently hyperventilating in the corner.

"It's okay," Judy soothed as she took a sip from her glass. Toni slipped out the window and dropped down to hang from the sill. Dang it, why was Sam's the only room with nothing outside the window?

"No, I don't masturbate!" Toni swung her body to the right, barely catching the lattice roof over the patio. The timber caught her in her stomach, knocking the window out of her; that was probably the only reason she didn't make a sound at the sight below here. Bumblebee was on all fours on the veranda, wings hitting the hanging lights. It was adorable, and entirely unstealthy.

"That's not something for you to bring up." Wow, even Ron was shocked at that turn of conversation. Toni raised her head up and found herself face to leg plate with flame painted metal. Optimus was pushing himself up onto the roof slightly, helm facing away from her. Toni looked around his leg; there was her window. Great. "That's a father and son thing, okay?" Sam echoed Ron with a "Father-son thing".

Toni slowly inched her way behind where Optimus's leg was propped for traction, army crawling across the lattice. "I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable." And through all of this, Judy just kept chugging. "You can call it Sam's happy time or…" Sam choked. "…my special alone time…" Metallic chuckles were heard from the bots hiding nearby.

"Stop Mom stop." Toni took a moment to wonder how Mikaela was taking this, as she slipped all the way around the giant metal limb. A flash of light reflected into her eyes, making her halt her wall crawl. Glancing down, she saw the silver one—Jazz, if she remembered right—tilt his head out from under the overhang to look at her. She froze.

"Judy, stop." Ron's voice was strained. Judy, however, was not deterred. She was going to finish this sentence if it killed everyone listening.

"…with myself." Toni stared at the intelligence officer, before hesitantly raising a hand in a wave. Well really, what else was there to do?

"Mom, you can't come in and…" A giant metal foot stuck out from behind Jazz, followed by a cannon. Found the weapons expert.

"I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink." That was very obvious. Jazz cheerfully raised a hand, waving back at her—and hitting the side of the house lightly.

"Earthquake! It's another one! Another earthquake! Get in the doorway!" Toni wobbled, flailing her arms about in a desperate attempt to not fall off the side of the house. Lunging to her left, she grasped her window sill and yanked herself in.

Lying on the floor gasping, Toni listened. "Come on, get out of that tub."

"Can't you take safety seriously? Toni does! She always listens to my safety instructions." Ron paused. "She probably pulled over during the first 'quake and is waiting out the aftershocks. She'll probably call soon. You know, she was out looking for you."

"Good Lord, this floor is filthy, Sam." Toni dragged herself up to look out her window. Jazz was looking at her with what Toni assumed was concern. She gave him a thumbs up, and he smiled and slipped back beneath the overhang. Just in time too, as Ron stuck his head out to look at the yard. Toni slipped back down, and went for the hall.

"Oh, no! Look at the yard. The yard is destroyed." Toni snuck towards the garage. She was going to pretend she had just gotten there, like Ron suggested. "Judy? Better call the city. We got a blown transformer! Power pole's sparking all over the place!" Down the stairs, through the kitchen.

"The parents are very irritating," Mechanical cowboy made his comment. "Can I take them out?" Toni paused by the fridge. Well, that was an escalation.

"Ironhide, you know we don't harm humans." Also, this was a loud conversation for a set of robots trying to hide. "What is with you?"

"Well, I'm just saying we could. It's an option." D'aww. Sheepish giant mechanical robots were the cutest things. Slipping out into the garage, Toni sat for a moment to catch her breath. She soon heard voices from the kitchen area.

"…I want you to distract my parents while I slip out and get these glasses to them, okay?" That was her cue. Toni stood up and made to open the door when she heard a knock at the door. She climbed up onto the cabinet to look out the window in the garage wall. All she could see through the filmy glass were unmarked black vans and guys in suits. That was… not good.

"Ron Wickity?" Ron must have answered the door. Toni leaned to her right a bit to look towards the front door. She could barely make out the forms of several men at the front door.

"It's Witwicky. Who are you?" Slipping down from cabinet, Toni grabbed the metal bat leaning nearby. This had sketchy written all over it.

"We're the government. Sector Seven." Sector Seven? Why did that sound familiar? And also like an eighties boyband?

"….we think it's involved in a national security matter." Footsteps outside the garage door drew Toni's attention, and she darted over behind Ron's megatool chest. The men heaved the garage door open, peering around at the dingy garage. They focused their lights on the motorbike sitting in the center of the room.

"You're not taking my son." Whoa, what? Toni snapped her head away from the invading suits. What would these guys want with Sam? She narrowed her eyes; spaz he may be, but felon he was not.

"Clean!" Oh right, these guys first. Then she would cover for her cousin. They were moving away from her bike, running what looked like a metal detector over everything. _Beep-Beep!_ "I got residue!" That came from the one closest to her. Toni gripped her bat tighter; if they got any closer, she was going to have to risk jail time. That is, if they were even government in the first place.

"Sam! Do not say anything, Sam!" And there goes the family, being pushed into different vans. As they drove off, Toni clenched her teeth. Well great. Now what?

Looking around the garage, she tensed. If she moved fast enough, she might be able to make it to her bike and get it started before they reached her. The man closest to her moved closer.

"Five rads!" Closer. "Ten rads!" Closer. "Fifteen rads!" Now. Toni swung her bat, smacking the guy in the temple. He hit the floor like a sack of potatoes. Toni dashed across the garage and shoved her key into the ignition. "Hey!" One of the men yelled, reaching for his gun. Toni opened up the throttle to full, rocketing out of there with her helmet in her lap.

Now, to find Sam.

* * *

"Oh, grand theft auto, that ain't nothing?" Simmons goaded, smirking at the teens in the back. He opened his mouth to push them further, when his phone rang. He flicked it open and put it to his ear. "Simmons. Go ahead."

"Sir, there was another person at the residence." Simmons sat up straighter. What? "We were unable to detain them, but before she evaded us, a technician she assaulted got a rad reading on her. Fifteen, sir."

He leaned back in his seat slightly. "That's direct contact. Find this individual and detain her! I want her brought in for questioning immediately."

"Yes sir!" Simmons hung up his phone, and looked back at the two teens. The rad meter on the car began beeping wildly. "It is time to talk."

"Holy—" The agent driving the car swerved desperately in an attempt to avoid the giant robot standing in the road. "Big! It's big!" Simmons swung to face the front, just in time to see them hit the leg.

"Go, go, go, go!" He chanted as the van was picked up. Broken glass and dust filled the interior of the vehicle.

"I can't see it! I can't see it!" Then the top of the van was gone, and big blue eyes stared down at the occupants as the van dropped to the pavement. Simmons felt his jaw go slack as those huge eyes narrowed on him.

"Taking the children was a bad move."

* * *

So a bit of a longer chapter, but really. It is such a pain trying to break up this particular scene, so I didn't even try. Tell me what you think.


	5. Chapter 5: Regretful Decisions

Forward unto Fandom!

* * *

"Now, if I were a government douchebag, where would I take my captives?" This would take some deep thought, and time that Toni didn't have. _Thuwip-thuwip-thuwip._ Or she could save time and follow the totally inconspicuous black helicopter. Slamming her helmet on, Toni spun her bike around to follow the chopper.

Distressed shrieks soon met her ears, and Toni glanced down over the side of the overpass. Bumblebee, the incredibly cute, was being sprayed with what looked to be oversized fire extinguishers. And Sam was down there with Mikaela, flailing around like a fish out of water and trying to stop the agents. And failing. Bumblebee screamed as they sprayed him with another blast of CO2, yanking at Toni's heart. She had to stop this.

Toni throttled the engine and did one of the stupidest things in her life: she drove off the side of the highway, over a one hundred foot drop. Midair, it occurred to her that this was a VERY BAD IDEA. Luckily for Toni, several things happened in quick succession.

One: The afore seen chopper flew just perfectly so that she landed inside the open side doors and drove out the other. She felt badass, like the terminator or something. You know, if the terminator was a teenage girl who was currently regretting her decisions in life.

Two: The van into which her cousin and his maybe-kinda-he-wishes girlfriend were in started to pull away. Miraculously it lined up with Toni's trajectory, and she hit the roof.

Three: Toni received a text. Still in shock from the fact that she just drove off a bridge and _lived_ , she decided to check the text. Because that's just what one did.

Four: While reaching into her pocket to check the text, she looked away from where she was going.

Five: Toni drove off the van's roof, not looking where she was going. And proceeded hit Agent Simmons.

And finally, Six: Toni read the text, ignoring that man she just hit. _**Mom: Hey honey, I figured you were staying the night at Ronnie's, so your father and I went to the hotel. We'll see you in the morning. Have fun and be safe!**_ Fish tailing around the downed man, Toni put her phone away and reached down to grab Simmons's gun. Oddly, it was a revolver. _Someone watched too many old cop movies._

Screeching towards Bumblebee, who was wailing pathetically, Toni carefully took aim at one of the hooks with the Colt. She had only six shots to get this right. Her first shot missed, but the second hit, snapping the off him. Bumblebee gave a pathetic whine, barely shifting. He was frozen, Toni realized. He wasn't going anywhere until he warmed up. Toni spun her bike, and took aim, sitting perfectly still. She hit one of the hoses with her third bullet. Icy CO2 filled the area around the men, shrouding them in a white fog. Toni took aim again, turning to face another unit spraying him down.

"Hey," someone shouted as Toni shot, piercing another hose. Gunshots rang out as the suits started firing back. Toni revved her bike and screeched towards Bee's catatonic form. A bullet whizzed by Toni's head, scratching the side of her helmet as she drove through the CO2 fog. Coming out the other side, Toni raised the gun and aimed at another of the hooks holding Bumblebee down. She missed, and Toni realized she only had one bullet left.

Driving back into the fog, Toni took aim at the hook with her last bullet. Firing, Toni crumpled lower into her seat as she missed. _No_. Tossing the empty gun to the side, Toni slowed to a stop next to Bee, sitting hidden in the painfully cold fog as she fumbled with yanking the hook out. Faint beeping caught her attention, and as her hands worked at the hook, she looked down into brilliant blue optics. She slowed her movements. He was watching her with such resignation, peaceful.

"Gotta get outta here…*static*….Kid it ain't safe here!" The radio clips were static filled, as if he was getting bad reception. Toni shook her head, blinking back tears as she went back to working at the hook. She wasn't leaving him to this; he had saved her stupid little cousin, she would save him. A metal finger slowly reached up, brushing against her side. A bullet pinged off of it. "Kid…*static*…out of time…Go! Now!" Toni stopped, looking at him. He gave a muffled chirp. Toni shook her head again, and as she reached back up to the hook she screamed. Pain tore through her right arm, just as the bullet did. Clutching her arm to her chest, Toni sobbed. Not just for the pain, but for Bee; the cold stung at her as she sat there, Bumblebee chirping insistently at her.

Holding her arm to her chest, Toni looked at him. His optics reflected in the plate of her helmet as she cried. "I'm sorry," she said, and she gunned her bike out of the fog. Toni swerved around the agents in front of her, going for the drainage pipes under the bridge.

"Stop him!" Simmons yelled as she got further away, a chopper following her with a spot light. Making a sharp turn into the massive pipe, Toni held back another scream as another bullet impacted her shoulder. She kept going, deeper into the pipes, until she could no longer hear the blades of the copter, or the yelling of agents. Slowing to a stop, Toni leaned her head against her handle bars, sobbing as her hand fluttered against her right arm. She had left him, left him there. Why did it hurt so bad? He was just a robot, wasn't he? Toni shook her head, getting off her bike and pushing it through the through the sewers.

It was slow going, but eventually Toni made it to the drain pipes out by the power plant. The same one Bee saved Sam at; Toni choked back another sob. Getting back on her bike, Toni headed for Sam's house. It was deserted; apparently they didn't think she would come back. Slipping in the still open front door, Toni made her way to the kitchen. Yanking her helmet off, she tossed it on the floor along with her jacket and shook out her short brown hair.

Fumbling around the kitchen, Toni found Ron's first aid kit. Opening it, she gave a painful smile. Good old Uncle Ron had stocked with enough supplies to care for an army. After Toni took care of her arm, she sat down on the couch in the living room. Sitting in the dark room, Toni cradled her head in her hand, body slumped.

"What do I do now?" She had no idea where they were taking Sam and Mikaela, she didn't know where they were taking Bee, she didn't know where the rest of the Autobots were; she didn't know anything! Her phone buzzed. Pulling it out, Toni gave a tired snort. _**Mom: Wait, actually not seeing you tomorrow. I forgot that we had a meeting tomorrow in Madera*. See you in two days!**_

Well, at least she wouldn't have to explain to her parents where everyone went. Toni dropped her phone on the couch, rubbing the back of her neck. Now, to just figure out what to do. But what was she going to do, ask Siri? Toni laughed out loud bitterly. Why not? She had no better ideas.

"Hey Siri? What do I do if my family has been kidnapped by the government for being friends with a species of peaceful alien robots?" Her phone sat silent for a moment, before the voice of a British man** came out.

"Searching… I found this on the internet for 'What do I do if my family has been kidnapped by the government for being friends with a species of peaceful alien robots'." Looking at her phone, Toni blinked. There were no page options, just one line.

 **Mission City, NV.** **3:29 PM, PST.**

Toni sat up, staring at her phone. "What?" Picking it up, she tried scrolling. Nope, no other results. Lowering her phone, Toni narrowed her eyes. Mission City? That was near the Hoover Dam… which if she remembered right, there was a conspiracy theory regarding why it was built. Something about hiding something…like every conspiracy theory ever. She sighed, standing up to start gathering supplies. It was a better lead than nothing.

"Hey Siri? I need directions to Mission City, Nevada."

* * *

It was only a five hour drive from Tranquility to Mission City, so Toni arrived just as the sun was breaking over the tops of the buildings. Driving up to the top of one of the parking towers, Toni parked. Leaning over the side of the concrete railing, Toni looked out over the city. Taking out her phone, Toni checked the time. **5:38 AM**. She sighed, sliding down the wall. Looks like she had some time, so what to do?

She stifled a yawn with her bad arm, and winced. Maybe a nap would help… or actual medical attention. "Hhhh… But the hospital would keep me for questioning." She tilted her head back, and clicked her tongue. "Guess a nap it is."

Setting an alarm on her phone for one, Toni laid down with her jacket balled under her head. It took only moments for her to fall asleep. At the same time she was settling to sleep, Sam was rudely being awakened.

"Sam…Sam!" Mikaela shook him awake, ignoring his grumbled protests. "Sam, that's the Hoover Dam!" His eyes opened and he looked out the window with the Australian woman. Sure enough, they were coming in for a landing on the Hoover Dam. He could see a row of soldiers lined up as they were hustled out of the helicopters.

"Hey, kid," Simmons walked up, spreading his arms. His face had a huge bruise along the left side. "I think we got off to a bad start, huh? You must be hungry? You want a latte? HoHo? Double venti macchiato?" He patted Sam's shoulder. He shrugged him off, as Mikaela came up to stand with him.

"Where's my car?" Simmons winced, looking away as his boss, Banachek came up to stand with them. His standard issue Government Black Glasses™ reflected the sun into Sam's eyes.

"Son," he began, "I need you to listen to me very carefully. People can die here." He paused, waiting for Sam to crumble at the thought. Sam stared at him, eyes hard. "We need to know everything you know. We need to know it now."

Sam gave a small nod. "Okay." Simmons smiled, ready to move on. Sam wasn't done. "But first, I'll take my car, my parents. Maybe you should write that down." Mikaela smiled; where had this assertive Sam been? Sam glanced at her, and continued on. "Oh, and her juvie record. That's got to be gone. Like, forever." Simmons clenched his jaw, face unreadable as Banachek nodded.

"Come with me." He motioned for them to follow him. "We'll talk about your car." Sam smirked; this negotiation stuff wasn't so hard. Toni was right, it was all in the bluff.

"Thank you," Mikaela murmured to him, eyes soft. He gave her a sweet smile. He owed this to her, after what he said earlier. Following Banachek into the Dam, Sam could hear Simmons comment to himself.

"The man's an extortionist." Entering a large cargo elevator, Sam glanced at who all was there. There was Maggie and Glen, from the helicopter. Apparently Maggie was an International Security Agent, and Glen was a world class hacker. Beyond them was a company of soldiers, standing firm and at the ready. He didn't know anything about them, but they seemed alright. In front of them was the Secretary of Defense, John Keller. If Sam didn't think this was a big deal before, he did now. Then surrounding everyone were agents with S7 on their vests, Sector Seven flunkies. It seemed an eternity before the elevator stopped, all of its occupants silent.

As the large door was slid up, Banachek began talking. "Alright, here's the situation. You've all had direct contact with the NBEs." He led them across a walkway down at the bottom of the dam, Simmons at his side. The black soldier—Epps, as his uniform declared—asked.

"NBEs?" Maggie looked interested, leaning over slightly to hear better.

"Non-Biological Extraterrestrials," Simmons answered, glancing back at him. "Try and keep up with the acronyms." Epps gave him a warning glare, which Simmons ignored. They turned into an alcove, Banachek swiping his card to open the door. Inside was a drainage pipe like hall.

"What you're about to see is totally classified," Simmons continued. Passing through several halls, they entered a large room. The temperature had been dropping as they approached, and now they saw why. Sam stopped dead, as did the whole group. Mikaela grabbed his arm, frantically shaking it.

"Sam… Sam that's—!" He swallowed hard, eyes locked on dull red optics. Epps stepped back, bumping his shoulder against Lennox's; this thing looked just as nasty as the Black Hawk bot that nearly killed him. Secretary Keller just stopped, silent. Scientists chattered in the background, taking observations on the subject and checking the temperature constantly.

"I know," Sam finally replied in the silence. "I know." Secretary Keller stepped forward, eyes locked on the tall, silver form as they iced it. He didn't need to be an expert on aliens to know this was hostile.

"Dear God. What is this?" He looked at Banachek, who moved toward the frozen metal man.

"We think when he made his approach over the North Pole, our gravitational field screwed up his telemetry." The group followed him, gazes never wavering. "He crashed in the ice, probably a few thousand years ago. We shipped him here to this facility in 1934." He motioned to an agent off to the side as they walked.

"We call him NBE One," Simmons interjected, preening at the attention. Sam swallowed, mustering up the composure to correct him.

"Well, sir, I don't mean to correct you on everything you think you know, but, I mean," He stuttered, looking up at the sharp edges and cruel points of the metal man in front of him. No, from what Optimus had said, this was no man, but a monster. "That's Megatron." Simmons spun to face him, Secretary Keller and Banachek listening intently. "He's the leader of the Decepticons—the ones with red eyes." Banachek narrowed his eyes, motioning.

"He's been in cryostasis since 1935. Your great-great-grandfather made one of the greatest discoveries in the history of mankind." And here Sam had thought the man was a crackpot his whole life. Sorry Grandpa Witwicky.

"Fact is, you're looking at the source of the modern age, the microchip, lasers, spaceflight, cars, all reverse-engineered by studying him." He got in Sam's face, locking eyes. "NBE One. That's what we call it." Secretary Keller had had enough.

"And you didn't think the United States military might need to know that you're keeping a hostile alien robot frozen in the basement?" He waved his hand wildly at the frozen leader, face incredulous.

Banachek tried to calm him down. "Until these events, we had no credible threat to national security." Keller scoffed, moving away from him.

"Well, you got one now." Lennox trailed his eyes over the frozen mech, fascinated by the metal being. It seemed impossible for it to exist, but there it stood.

"So why Earth?" The Sector Seven group was silent, unable to answer. Sam cleared his throat, still unable to remove his eyes from Megatron. Mikaela was having similar issues something about seeing a hologram of him killing everything made it hard to not keep an eye on him.

"It's the All Spark." Keller scrunched up his face, looking at Sam.

"All Spark? What is that?" Sam swallowed, looking down to meet his eyes. No big deal, just talking to the Secretary of Defense about a hostile alien robot in the center of the Hoover Dam surrounded by a secret government agency. He had this.

"Well, yeah," Okay, not the best start. "They came here looking for some sort of cube-looking thing." He turned back to Megatron. "Anyway, Mr. NBE One here, AKA Megatron, that's what they call him," he said, looking at Simmons belligerently. "Who's pretty much the harbinger of death, wants to use the Cube to transform human technology to take over the universe." He crossed his arms. "That's their plan." Nailed it.

Simmons cocked his jaw, watching Sam intently. "And you're sure about that, Mr. Witwicky?" Sam nodded, taking in the stiff way both Simmons and Banachek stood. They couldn't, could they?

"You guys know where it is, don't you?" Banachek and Simmons exchanged a look. Banachek moved to leave the room, motioning everyone after him.

"Follow me." As they left the room, they didn't see Megatron's optics flare bright red, watching them.

 _witwicky…?_

* * *

So many perspectives, so little time. Next chapter is hectic.

*Madera is a town near Tranquility. Look it up, it's a real place.

**You can change the voice of your Siri. I picked the British one, for plot reasons.


End file.
